"She's harsh on herself, but it's because she expects perfection." This is an example of a self-critical professional. How often have you heard someone else say something similar and mean it as praise?

There is a delicate line between healthy ambition and self-defeating perfectionism when professionals demand perfection for themselves. This compliment, like everything else linked to leadership communication, is nuanced. And if you aren't aware of it, you could be causing more harm than good.

Continue reading to learn more about workers who are "hard on themselves" and what you can do as a leader if their self-criticism is affecting their mental health and productivity.

 

Unhealthy habits of perfectionism

There are "good" and "unhealthy" forms of perfectionism. Striving for perfection is a worthwhile goal and a "healthy" form of perfectionism. As a boss, you want workers on your team who hold themselves to high standards and achieve their objectives.

However, experts warn that focusing too much on perfection can tip the pendulum too far. Psychologists label this as maladaptive perfectionism. Signs that your employee has an unhealthy relationship with their pursuit of perfection include:

• An excessive focus on controlling outcomes

• Fear of committing mistakes

• Constantly seeking reassurance

So, what is the "special recipe" for pursuing excellence? How can you, as a boss, inspire your employees to accomplish their best without adding to their already high level of self-criticism? It turns out that there is a crucial combination of characteristics that separates the confident and resilient person from the counterproductive perfectionist.

 

 

Self-compassionate and confidence

You've probably recognised that your most confident workers are also among your most successful and satisfied. But have you ever met an employee who appears confident on the surface, but in conversations, reveals hyper-criticism of their accomplishments? It's as if no matter how much they achieve, they're never happy. Or they fall apart when a project starts to fail and they place an excessive amount of blame on themselves.

It might appear that confidence is a leading predictor of workplace success, but the true people equation is "confidence + self-compassion = workplace success."

According to Dr Kristin Neff, a well-known researcher in the field of self-compassion, workers who have the confidence and the ability to "cut themselves some slack" after failure are the ablest to bear the pressures of their daily work life.

 

How to help self-critical employees

So, how do you help a talented employee who is excessively self-criticical? It's not enough to tell them to "stop being so hard on yourself"; you also need to help them develop skills and perspective for when life throws them a curveball. One of the most effective methods to accomplish this is to help workers recognise the extent to which the "stories" they tell themselves are impeding their growth.

1. Recognise the critic. Every one of us has an inner critic who judges our conduct. As a result, it's critical to confirm with your worker that "The Critic" appears for all of us. Help them understand that how we respond to this voice of doubt decides whether we remain on the struggle bus or are able to recover.

2. Learn more about their stories. Humans make sense of their surroundings by talking to themselves about their observations, experiences, and interactions. These "stories" in our heads appear to be absolute truths. However, there are numerous perspectives on the world. A good leader also helps employees recognise other narratives that might lead them out of frustration and towards hope.

   1. Teach your employee to use the "champion" and "editor" voices in their heads to control their inner critic.

   2. The champion acts as our mental cheerleader, saying things like, "you've handled difficult situations like this before" and "you've got this!"

   3. The editor searches for self-critical statements such as "you really blew this project" and reframes them with more sensible assessments such as "It's true that I screwed up, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to get back on track" or "Am I really the stupidest person on earth right now?" No, I only made a mistake."

3. Help them to take a step back. We sometimes have to step outside of ourselves to gain perspective. If an employee is trapped in the shame/blame cycle, Dr Nef suggests the following exercise: imagine you are supporting a coworker who is upset about a mistake they made at work. What would you tell them? This "what would you say to a friend?" exercise helps individuals in gaining perspective on their situation. It helps to reduce what psychologists call "catastrophising," or the tendency to exaggerate minor mistakes.

 

Encouragement of self-compassion does not absolve employees of responsibility for their errors and blunders. It is about fostering a healthy mindset in order to recover from setbacks and progress to more productive work life.

According to this BBC article, science shows that developing emotional resilience in the form of self-compassion enhances health and productivity. That's a triumph for both leaders and employees.

 

Source: People Equation